knitted handcuffs

When Mummy buys 1 pair of handcuffs for baby

Yeah, you read it right, I bought a pair of handcuffs for Baba. The baby is now the proud owner of some menottes so that I can tie him up at lunch and dinner times. Remember my post about weaning being an art and how jolly I was about it? Well, the picture is totally different now…

Baba is turning into a real little cochon when he eats and I am sick and tired of it. Literally, he won’t stay still when I feed him any solid food. As we are merely having soups, mashed fruit and vegetables and other easy food that doesn’t need chewing, the experience is a proper mess every time….


It looks pretty much like that indeed. Not to mention that he also manages to spit it. Therefore, I am sometimes myself covered with it. Not that I mind a free carrots’ mask. It supposed to be good for your complexion but I think I am fine to do that myself with some proper beauty products. Another thing he likes doing, which doesn’t help? Monsieur decided recently that he needed to be in control and would hold himself the spoon.


Malheureusement, Grumpy Boyfriend had an excellent idea to teach Baba to hold his biberon on his own. Therefore, le petit monstre made the decision that it would be the same when he had solids. No need to say that Grumpy Boyfriend is now banned from the kitchen at meal times. I don’t want him to give the baby some other great ideas like feeding himself. I am dealing perfectly with the situation; well kind of as it looks more like a battle every time I am giving Baba some kind of solids…

So I went shopping yesterday and purchased the most beautiful pair of handcuffs. These black fur handcuffs are a must-have for a mummy who is weaning her baby.

03BOCUAS1104006_ZThe shop assistant was a bit surprised at first when I asked her to try some handcuffs on Baba to make sure they would not be too loose-fitting. Then came the decision of the colour. To be honest it was pretty annoying that they didn’t have any in blue. Only black and pink were available so I went for the first option. It seemed quite appropriate and black is so classy. A bargain as well! Only £8!

Mummy is a génie! You can even steal my idea if you want. I don’t mind really; happy to help anytime.

And now our meals look like that:


The perfect advert for happy families! That is us ☺.

It’s such a relief. I feel so much happier now that I am fully in control of the situation.

Dear readers, this post is a joke! You seriously didn’t believe that Frenchie Mummy bought a pair of handcuffs?! I knew that you would click on a post with such a title…  ?Don’t be too ashamed. Vote for us for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 for the Best Comic Writer category. If you haven’t done it yet, you have until 31st July.  It’s very simple; just click on the link above. Merci from a crazy Frenchie Mummy x

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0 thoughts on “When Mummy buys 1 pair of handcuffs for baby

  1. Haha! Well done Frenchie! Its so stressful watching babies/toddlers feed themselves – the mess! Unbearable! I love the idea as seeing as a kind of beauty treatment though..a porridge face mask! #brillblogposts

  2. Weaning is such a messy process, food gets everywhere, it does get better, but even now my little lord still decides to randomly karate chop the spoon #momsterslink

  3. Haha, I definitely feel like handcuffing Marianna sometimes! My mum always tells us about how she found my dad strapping my baby hands by my side with the highchair restraints when I was a toddler. When she asked him what he was doing he said he thought that was what they were for! xD #FridayFrolics

  4. Feed him avocados, they’re great for your skin. I did actually tie my kid’s sneakers together in the grocery cart when they were little, to keep them from climbing out. Is that as bad as handcuffs?
    Great post, made me look!

  5. Actually believed it a little bit until the end!! Desperation can do funny things to parents!! Great post and it even included my favourite French word ‘malheureusement’!! #FridayFrolics

  6. Haha love the disclaimer at the end Frenchie Mummy! I feel your pain, we have (and still are) gone through a world of pain with weaning…the little madam now shakes her head and hold her hand up, as if saying “noooo don’t poison me” when we eat something new. So infuriating! Hope it gets better for you lovely xx #bigpinklink

  7. Haha! How have I not thought of this for my littlest, who is a meal time nightmare! Love it! Thanks for linking with #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you again next week!

  8. Such a good idea! This would solve my problem with my daughter’s current obsession with spitting every mouthful I feed her back into her hand so she can jam it back in herself! #Chucklemums

  9. Ha! For one second, I wasn’t sure if you were joking…and I’m actually kinf of tempted to do the same myself – my daughter wants to now hold the spoon but I’m resisting. I know I shouldn’t but I’m already so stressy about the mess! #chucklemums

  10. Hahaha brilliant! I bet that you aren’t the first mother to think about trying this! I love the little crochet handcuffs, so cute!! Thanks for joining us at the #bigpinklink

  11. Hahaha! I almost fell for it… if only we can buy one so we don’t have to kept saying the NO word a million times, lol #TheBabyFormula

  12. So funny! Isn’t it just wonderful when they learn to feed themselves?? My daughter has just realized that she can feed herself with a spoon and won’t have it any other way now. Independence is great, right? #brillblogposts

  13. Such a silly mummy! Love it! There are times I think about duct taping my 4,5 and 6 year old to the wall sometimes. But just pour wine instead … For me of course ? Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink!

  14. Hahaha. Oh I remember weaning be a very messy time, don’t miss that at all. Buying handcuffs actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me! 🙂 xx #picknmix

  15. Haha so hilarious… though it’s the reality of weaning process. We mums are super women that’s why we don’t use pair of cuffs and instead of that we use our patience to the edge…
    Though I sometimes tempted to tie my little man with something so I can fill his little tummy lol

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