When Mummy buys 1 pair of handcuffs for baby

Yeah, you read it right, I bought a pair of handcuffs for Baba. The baby is now the proud owner of some menottes so that I can tie him up at lunch and dinner times. Remember my post about weaning being an art and how jolly I was about it? Well, the picture is totally different now…

Baba is turning into a real little cochon when he eats and I am sick and tired of it. Literally, he won’t stay still when I feed him any solid food. As we are merely having soups, mashed fruit and vegetables and other easy food that doesn’t need chewing, the experience is a proper mess every time….


It looks pretty much like that indeed. Not to mention that he also manages to spit it. Therefore, I am sometimes myself covered with it. Not that I mind a free carrots’ mask. It supposed to be good for your complexion but I think I am fine to do that myself with some proper beauty products. Another thing he likes doing, which doesn’t help? Monsieur decided recently that he needed to be in control and would hold himself the spoon.


Malheureusement, Grumpy Boyfriend had an excellent idea to teach Baba to hold his biberon on his own. Therefore, le petit monstre made the decision that it would be the same when he had solids. No need to say that Grumpy Boyfriend is now banned from the kitchen at meal times. I don’t want him to give the baby some other great ideas like feeding himself. I am dealing perfectly with the situation; well kind of as it looks more like a battle every time I am giving Baba some kind of solids…

So I went shopping yesterday and purchased the most beautiful pair of handcuffs. These black fur handcuffs are a must-have for a mummy who is weaning her baby.

03BOCUAS1104006_ZThe shop assistant was a bit surprised at first when I asked her to try some handcuffs on Baba to make sure they would not be too loose-fitting. Then came the decision of the colour. To be honest it was pretty annoying that they didn’t have any in blue. Only black and pink were available so I went for the first option. It seemed quite appropriate and black is so classy. A bargain as well! Only £8!

Mummy is a génie! You can even steal my idea if you want. I don’t mind really; happy to help anytime.

And now our meals look like that:


The perfect advert for happy families! That is us ☺.

It’s such a relief. I feel so much happier now that I am fully in control of the situation.

Dear readers, this post is a joke! You seriously didn’t believe that Frenchie Mummy bought a pair of handcuffs?! I knew that you would click on a post with such a title…  ?Don’t be too ashamed. Vote for us for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 for the Best Comic Writer category. If you haven’t done it yet, you have until 31st July.  It’s very simple; just click on the link above. Merci from a crazy Frenchie Mummy x

Please, could you also vote for us in the category NEW BLOGGER ON THE BLOG by clicking on the following link?  http://www.teapartybeauty.com/2016/07/bloggersblogawards-2016-voting-now-open.html/?utm_content=buffer10ad5

Domesticated MomsterBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.comLife Love and Dirty DishesPetite Pudding

Pink Pear BearMumzillaPractical MomA Cornish MumethannevelynThinking Outside The Pot


  1. July 21, 2016 / 8:10 am

    Haha! Well done Frenchie! Its so stressful watching babies/toddlers feed themselves – the mess! Unbearable! I love the idea as seeing as a kind of beauty treatment though..a porridge face mask! #brillblogposts

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 21, 2016 / 8:16 am

      you should see my face… I look so fresh ☺ Thanks for stopping by x

  2. Lou
    July 21, 2016 / 1:41 pm

    HaHa I was wondering as I read this….:-) you got me! #brillblogposts Lou

  3. July 21, 2016 / 5:29 pm

    excellent post! I am going out to buy pairs for all the family inc my parents. They wave their arms around far too much. x

  4. blabbermama
    July 21, 2016 / 7:20 pm

    Weaning is such a messy process, food gets everywhere, it does get better, but even now my little lord still decides to randomly karate chop the spoon #momsterslink

  5. July 21, 2016 / 8:54 pm

    Haha, I definitely feel like handcuffing Marianna sometimes! My mum always tells us about how she found my dad strapping my baby hands by my side with the highchair restraints when I was a toddler. When she asked him what he was doing he said he thought that was what they were for! xD #FridayFrolics

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 21, 2016 / 9:09 pm

      That is priceless. Men really don’t have a clue sometimes…Thanks for reading

  6. July 21, 2016 / 10:25 pm

    Feed him avocados, they’re great for your skin. I did actually tie my kid’s sneakers together in the grocery cart when they were little, to keep them from climbing out. Is that as bad as handcuffs?
    Great post, made me look!

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 21, 2016 / 10:31 pm

      Totally approved by me ?

  7. A Mother of All Trades
    July 22, 2016 / 12:00 am

    Hahaha!!! This is hysterical!! Is it terrible of me that the whole time I was thinking “oh my what a novel idea!” lmao! And btw your little one is the cutest thing ever.. those eyes!! xo

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 22, 2016 / 3:10 am

      Hopefully he has my eyes. Thanks for reading.

  8. Rebecca Taylor
    July 22, 2016 / 5:43 am

    Haha!! I love this as always!! You never cease to crack me up!! Ah, a home-made carrot face mask – pure luxury! 🙂

  9. Rebecca Taylor
    July 22, 2016 / 5:44 am

    Oops – forgot the hashtag! #momsterslink

  10. James Hopes
    July 22, 2016 / 6:30 am

    Actually believed it a little bit until the end!! Desperation can do funny things to parents!! Great post and it even included my favourite French word ‘malheureusement’!! #FridayFrolics

  11. July 22, 2016 / 9:53 am

    Spag bol is still a disaster area in our house. I make my youngest strip before he eats it! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  12. mummyfever
    July 23, 2016 / 8:11 am

    Hahahahahah – love it xx

  13. July 24, 2016 / 7:17 pm

    Ha ha brilliant! I was getting a little concerned….!
    Weaning is such a messy phase – I’d love to say it gets better but my youngest is two now and some meals are still a bit of a disaster to clear up :/

  14. theirishbabyfairy
    July 25, 2016 / 8:03 am

    You got me ?? I was thinking they really do things different in France!!! Great post #bigpinklink

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 25, 2016 / 9:10 am

      ? Thanks for stopping by. to be honest, I actually thought about buying him some handcuffs because it can get so messy….

  15. July 25, 2016 / 8:46 am

    Haha love the disclaimer at the end Frenchie Mummy! I feel your pain, we have (and still are) gone through a world of pain with weaning…the little madam now shakes her head and hold her hand up, as if saying “noooo don’t poison me” when we eat something new. So infuriating! Hope it gets better for you lovely xx #bigpinklink

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 25, 2016 / 9:10 am

      I am sure it will be fine. It’s just that I am not very patient… Oh well, some things need to change sometimes xx

  16. July 25, 2016 / 10:03 am

    hahaha! This made me chuckle….Handcuffs for little one’s don’t actually sound like a bad idea…lol

  17. July 25, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    Yet again you had me hooked until the end with alarm bells around the picture point. Well done. #bigpinklink

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 25, 2016 / 5:12 pm


  18. July 25, 2016 / 9:50 pm

    My son is 6 and he still eats like a baby! This made me buy those Ikea floor protectors as we are renting and in the end when they found out that the carpets is full of food muck we are going to be in trouble!!! #puddinglove

  19. Silly Mummy
    July 26, 2016 / 12:46 am

    Haha! How have I not thought of this for my littlest, who is a meal time nightmare! Love it! Thanks for linking with #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you again next week!

  20. July 26, 2016 / 6:34 am

    Such a good idea! This would solve my problem with my daughter’s current obsession with spitting every mouthful I feed her back into her hand so she can jam it back in herself! #Chucklemums

  21. July 26, 2016 / 7:04 am

    It would be good though wouldn’t it! We could stop them grabbing our hair, sticking their hands in their poo during a nappy change. The list is endless #chucklemums

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 26, 2016 / 7:16 am

      Oh yeah, I forgot about the poo one! That’s it I am going to Ann summers today! xx

  22. Fran @ Whinge Whinge Wine
    July 26, 2016 / 10:56 am

    Damnit I was like, thank god I’m not the only one… #chucklemums

  23. July 26, 2016 / 1:10 pm

    Ha! For one second, I wasn’t sure if you were joking…and I’m actually kinf of tempted to do the same myself – my daughter wants to now hold the spoon but I’m resisting. I know I shouldn’t but I’m already so stressy about the mess! #chucklemums

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 26, 2016 / 5:46 pm

      Actually after having read all the comments on this posts, I am seriously thinking about buying some… for real!

  24. July 26, 2016 / 3:14 pm

    I think handcuffs are a sterling idea. And a straitjacket. Is valium allowed?!?! *hysterical laughter* #chucklemums

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 26, 2016 / 6:13 pm

      All the stuff you mentioned is allowed. Hope you survived camping xx

  25. July 26, 2016 / 7:30 pm

    Hahaha brilliant! I bet that you aren’t the first mother to think about trying this! I love the little crochet handcuffs, so cute!! Thanks for joining us at the #bigpinklink

  26. The Unsung Mum
    July 27, 2016 / 6:56 am

    Love the title and the whole blog makes me laugh! tge weaning stage is a joke but I love the amount of snacks you can feed them to keep them quiet! #bigpinklink

    • thefrenchiemummy
      July 27, 2016 / 7:09 am

      I can’t wait for Baba to get older so that I can just give him stuff and he deals with it! Thanks for stopping by x

  27. Rachel (Lifeofmyfamilyandme)
    July 27, 2016 / 2:42 pm

    Haha phew! I was reading this wondering how it was going to end! Thank for for linking up to #puddinglove

  28. reimerandruby
    July 28, 2016 / 7:59 am

    Hahaha! I almost fell for it… if only we can buy one so we don’t have to kept saying the NO word a million times, lol #TheBabyFormula

  29. July 28, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    So funny! Isn’t it just wonderful when they learn to feed themselves?? My daughter has just realized that she can feed herself with a spoon and won’t have it any other way now. Independence is great, right? #brillblogposts

  30. Petite Pudding (@petite_pudding)
    August 2, 2016 / 6:45 pm

    I can certainly see the upside to such a purchase! Those little hands get everywhere and then wipe themselves all over everything… Gotta love a bit of weaning! Thank god for the dog-clean-up-crew! #PuddingLove

    • thefrenchiemummy
      August 2, 2016 / 7:34 pm

      Eureka! I need a dog! x

  31. DomesticatedMomster
    August 4, 2016 / 4:37 pm

    Such a silly mummy! Love it! There are times I think about duct taping my 4,5 and 6 year old to the wall sometimes. But just pour wine instead … For me of course ? Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink!

    • thefrenchiemummy
      August 4, 2016 / 6:05 pm

      That’s an idea I like very much! Thaks for commenting x

  32. August 7, 2016 / 8:39 pm

    Hand cuffs would never work. Velcro, where you could stick them some where safe? Well, there’s an idea…

  33. August 9, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    I thought this was the new in thing! After the toddler leash!! baah! how disappointing 🙁


  34. August 12, 2016 / 6:52 am

    Hahaha. Oh I remember weaning be a very messy time, don’t miss that at all. Buying handcuffs actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me! 🙂 xx #picknmix

  35. August 12, 2016 / 8:16 am

    Haha Brilliant! Very clever writing. I think all parents wish the same . Haha Thanks you for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

  36. August 12, 2016 / 1:24 pm

    Bah! Awesome. You are one funny and intelligent writer lady. 🙂


  37. Double the Monkey Business
    August 14, 2016 / 8:59 am

    Ha ha, brilliant. Hope weaning starts to get a little easier for you, I have many similar looking photographs of the boys looking a similar mess 🙂 x #FabFridayPost

  38. acornishmum
    August 14, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Ha I was just thinking what a good invention for weaning ha ha! Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

  39. September 24, 2016 / 1:42 pm

    Haha so hilarious… though it’s the reality of weaning process. We mums are super women that’s why we don’t use pair of cuffs and instead of that we use our patience to the edge…
    Though I sometimes tempted to tie my little man with something so I can fill his little tummy lol

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