It’s early in the morning, 6am. Baba had his biberon and is back to sleep. I can get on with my blog duties: reading posts and commenting on linkies I took part in. I love doing that in the morning. It’s quiet and peaceful. Both Grumpy Boyfriend and le bébé are fast asleep. I make a coffee and settle nicely in the living room. I have about 2 hours of freedom to get on with my stuff.
So I am on my blog, replying to some comments when a new one pops up. I read it and like it. Obviously, I am a bit curious and click on this person’s blog. I love discovering new mummies like that. Oh boy, if only I didn’t! It’s not a bad post. Au contraire, it’s a beautiful post; the kind that makes you cry like a little girl and you can’t get over it. La preuve, I read it about an hour ago now and I am still in tears, shaking like an idiot. I am so happy I am on my own right now. I reckon the picture is not glorious: a mummy half-asleep, still in her dressing gown and she is a wreck. Literally, I am not kidding you.
Actually, I am so moved by this post, I feel like I have to write, in hope that it will calm me down. So that’s the post, right? A letter to Oliver, I don’t need to describe it. Just click on the link and see for yourself. This boy is such a cutie, right? Stop, I need a pause. Just looking back at it and I am in a flood of tears again…Where is my tissue? Let me check on Baba, just to make sure he is fine…
I am back, going through the blog where this person described her baby’s journey. One, two posts read… You must stop now Frenchie Mummy because it’s just ridiculous. I can’t take it anymore. I am crying so much, I can’t even read properly. Therefore I don’t know all the details. But if you are interested, you should have a look. It’s basically her son’s journey. There is also a video, but I don’t dare pressing play. I am too scared of my reaction. At first, I am thinking about following the blog, but I would rather not. I can’t be in such a state every day! Yeah, still crying now. Crazy…
I think what happened is that it showed me how fragile life was. That I could lose Baba anytime. It just opened a scar not totally healed. It reminded me that my baby had a VSD and he will need an open-heart operation. The kind that will last 6 hours! I would not even dare to compare my baby’s condition to what Oliver endured. It obvious that his battle was way harder than my little one!
The truth is this story slapped me in the face. Even if the operation that Baba will have in August to correct his heart defect is very secure (the success rate is 99%) and I totally trust the cardiologists, I can’t stop thinking about the little 1% left. What if it doesn’t work out? What will be next? For sure, I won’t be strong enough like Fran to write about it. The opposite really. If Baba goes, there would be no more Frenchie Mummy.
What would I do with myself? Back to work? Living like a zombie? Still crying. I can’t get Oliver’s picture out of my mind… Life is freaking unfair sometimes! Suddenly, I hear Baba crying. He needs a change. I do so promptly. But today, instead of putting him to bed straight away, I take him with me and give him a long cuddle. I know I should not rock him to sleep, but I do so, just because I can. He’s smiling at me. He is probably wondering what’s wrong with me… I mean, who cries like that in the morning? I will blame it on the hormones…
8am now, it’s been 2 hours and I am slightly getting over all the emotions. But I know I will still be crying when I post this and share with you Fran’s blog… I can hear Grumpy Boyfriend getting up. Quick, let’s wipe my face. Baba will be quick to follow.
Please have a look at this fantastic post that a mummy wrote to her lost little man and donate as well. It’s for a good cause. I will do myself because today, Fran and her story reminded me how lucky I am to be the maman of a beautiful little lad.
Fran’s Blog about Oliver’s story:
To donate to a charity or hospital, click here:
Thank you so much to Fran who allowed me to publish this post. Have a look at her latest blog where she shares her stories with her gorgeous new little girl:
Nominations for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 are on until 31st July. If you liked this post, I would love you to nominate me for the Best Writer category. It’s very simple; just click on the link above. Merci from a Frenchie blogger