Oops, pardon! Wrong title. What I meant was 7 reasons why I want to slap Grumpy Boyfriend in the face. I must apologise if I seem a bit violent today.
The thing is, I was in the middle of writing a complex post yesterday (it involved a quote by Shakespeare) when my partner was interrupting me non-stop.
I set up the scene.
It’s more than 10pm. Your (so loved but so demanding!) baby is eventually asleep and you have an hour or so free before you collapse exhausted into bed. So you’re typing. The post is quite intense and philosophical.
You don’t want to sound like a tart or a dumb ass to your dearest readers. So you pay attention. A lot, even if your baby is right next to you, making the worst prouts (see my Frenchie lesson to see what it means) you have heard for a while. You are trying really hard to concentrate when le monstre is probably doing a very bad poop live, just in front of your eyes! Le bébé also snores like a pig, sorry, an angel (Always! My Baba is too cute to snore like un cochon.)
Donc, here I am, being all intelligent (or pretending to be) and Grumpy Boyfriend won’t stop commenting or talking to me. When the only thing I want to do is to write a decent post (if it’s possible).
Impossible! No need to say that I just give up on writing a metaphysical post. I might even never post it.
Pourquoi? Because I have a better idea! I am going to have my revenge. Instead of having an argument with the person who happens to be my other half, I am going to write about him. He might even read this right now lecteurs!
You see, Grumpy Boyfriend secretly subscribed to my blog. I reckon he wanted to check out if I was talking about him. And every time he receives an email with my latest post, he is taking the mick out of me without even reading what I am publishing. I know, he is super rude…
But today, he will have it for his money! Chéri! This post is for you!
So here are 7 reasons why I want to slap Grumpy Boyfriend in the face:
- When he puts a small plate in the top section of the dishwasher. I explained to him a million times that it blocks it and he should put it in the lower section of the bloody machine!
- When he doesn’t close the wardrobe door. How difficult is it?!
- When I ask him a simple question but instead of answering it with just one word (when it’s totally possible), he just goes on for 5 minutes without even answering what I asked in the first place. At this stage, Frenchie Mummy is probably asleep.
- When he leaves his tea bags in the sink. He may not have discovered that we have a so-called bin… Ok, I am unfair here. I probably told Grumpy Boyfriend off a thousand times and he is not doing it anymore. VICTOIRE!!!!
- When he doesn’t help to get the baby to sleep. This one needs an explanation. Frenchie Mummy spends 30 minutes trying to make Baba asleep but gives up because le petit monstre won’t have any of it. She decides to go and have a shower to relax a bit (she is quite stressed out at this point, so she deserves it). And what do I discover when I get out? Baba jumping around like it’s party time in his Jumperoo! Le bébé was supposed to sleep!!!! No need to say that Baba went to bed late that time…
- When I catch Grumpy Boyfriend clicking on an article on the Daily Mail about Miranda Kerr or any other fit bird who dares to be slimmer than me… You remember when I described that I broke a mirror once? That was one of those moments. Moi, jalouse? Mais non!!!
- When I mop the floor in the kitchen for the third time in a week and he drops something within an hour. At this stage, Frenchie Mummy decides to be on strike and not do any housework for a month…
And you? When do you feel like killing your dearest other half? Please feel free to comment. I want to laugh and I promise I will never tell your boyfriend/ husband / partner you shared it with me…
Disclosure: this post never happened. Someone must have hacked the Frenchie Mummy Blog. I deny any responsibility for the list above. I didn’t write this post…