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It’s 7am and I am already crying

It’s early in the morning, 6am. Baba had his biberon and is back to sleep. I can get on with my blog duties: reading posts and commenting on linkies I took part in. I love doing that in the morning. It’s quiet and peaceful. Both Grumpy Boyfriend and le bébé are fast asleep. I make a coffee and settle nicely in the living room. I have about 2 hours of freedom to get on with my stuff.

So I am on my blog, replying to some comments when a new one pops up. I read it and like it. Obviously, I am a bit curious and click on this person’s blog. I love discovering new mummies like that. Oh boy, if only I didn’t! It’s not a bad post. Au contraire, it’s a beautiful post; the kind that makes you cry like a little girl and you can’t get over it. La preuve, I read it about an hour ago now and I am still in tears, shaking like an idiot. I am so happy I am on my own right now. I reckon the picture is not glorious: a mummy half-asleep, still in her dressing gown and she is a wreck. Literally, I am not kidding you.

Actually, I am so moved by this post, I feel like I have to write, in hope that it will calm me down. So that’s the post, right? A letter to Oliver, I don’t need to describe it. Just click on the link and see for yourself. This boy is such a cutie, right? Stop, I need a pause. Just looking back at it and I am in a flood of tears again…Where is my tissue? Let me check on Baba, just to make sure he is fine…

I am back, going through the blog where this person described her baby’s journey. One, two posts read… You must stop now Frenchie Mummy because it’s just ridiculous. I can’t take it anymore. I am crying so much, I can’t even read properly. Therefore I don’t know all the details. But if you are interested, you should have a look. It’s basically her son’s journey. There is also a video, but I don’t dare pressing play. I am too scared of my reaction. At first, I am thinking about following the blog, but I would rather not. I can’t be in such a state every day! Yeah, still crying now. Crazy…

I think what happened is that it showed me how fragile life was. That I could lose Baba anytime. It just opened a scar not totally healed. It reminded me that my baby had a VSD and he will need an open-heart operation. The kind that will last 6 hours! I would not even dare to compare my baby’s condition to what Oliver endured. It obvious that his battle was way harder than my little one!

The truth is this story slapped me in the face. Even if the operation that Baba will have in August to correct his heart defect is very secure (the success rate is 99%) and I totally trust the cardiologists, I can’t stop thinking about the little 1% left. What if it doesn’t work out? What will be next? For sure, I won’t be strong enough like Fran to write about it. The opposite really. If Baba goes, there would be no more Frenchie Mummy.

What would I do with myself? Back to work? Living like a zombie? Still crying. I can’t get Oliver’s picture out of my mind… Life is freaking unfair sometimes! Suddenly, I hear Baba crying. He needs a change. I do so promptly. But today, instead of putting him to bed straight away, I take him with me and give him a long cuddle. I know I should not rock him to sleep, but I do so, just because I can. He’s smiling at me. He is probably wondering what’s wrong with me… I mean, who cries like that in the morning? I will blame it on the hormones…

8am now, it’s been 2 hours and I am slightly getting over all the emotions. But I know I will still be crying when I post this and share with you Fran’s blog… I can hear Grumpy Boyfriend getting up. Quick, let’s wipe my face. Baba will be quick to follow.

Please have a look at this fantastic post that a mummy wrote to her lost little man and donate as well. It’s for a good cause. I will do myself because today, Fran and her story reminded me how lucky I am to be the maman of a beautiful little lad.


Fran’s Blog about Oliver’s story:


To donate to a charity or hospital, click here:


Thank you so much to Fran who allowed me to publish this post. Have a look at her latest blog where she shares her stories with her gorgeous new little girl:


Nominations for the Mumsnet Blogging Awards 2016 are on until 31st July. If you liked this post, I would love you to nominate me for the Best Writer category. It’s very simple; just click on the link above. Merci from a Frenchie blogger 😘


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158 thoughts on “It’s 7am and I am already crying

    1. Fran, you have no idea. Even writing that now just make me feel like crying again… I wish I discovered your blog before and could have helped in any shape or form! Hopefully, we will have raised some money and help other children xx That’s it I am crying now 😑 Hormones….

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I was reading another post of frans the other day and read reference to Oliver. I wasn’t brave enough to read on, but I will. Although perhaps when Kipper is a little older (8 weeks at the mo). I hope your little ones operation goes well, thank you for joining us at #Bloggerclubuk hope to see you again this week xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve looked at this post a few times now. My middle lad went in for a routine procedure that needed him to under a general. He’s was four, autistic and didn’t understand what was going on. It’s was heart breaking. I’m not sure I have the guts to read the post right now… Will mark for later when I think I can xxx #KCACOLS #coolmumclub #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have read Fran’s story and I had to reach for the tears. As a mum you just can’t imagine what that must be like and you can’t allow yourself to be in that place for long. I am sure having a connection to Fran’s story made it even harder for you and I will be thinking of you in August. Thank you for linking up to #SharingtheBlogLove x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s just being a mummy. There is no way you can’t break in tears when you read it. Thanks for commenting. Hope your linky was successful, I will be back xx


  4. I can’t bring myself to read it this evening but I definitely will in the morning when I am less hormonal and tired. I can never believe how strong mummys are when they write about these things, its incredible. #fortheloveofBlog

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is the story of my life. I’m often found crying at my laptop. I’ve read that post you linked to about Oliver & it really affected me too. Life is so precious, we definitely need to appreciate & love our children & families. #AnythingGoes

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I often read posts by other mums that stay with me all day and sometimes I do end up in tears too. Good luck to you and your little one in August xx I am off to have a read now xx #mg

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have read and commented previously on this post though another linky, but I am back through #mg. Thank you for sharing this, it is just so sad, I was crying to when I read it, I just feel so lucky that my 3 children were born healthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s lovely when you stumble over something that really resonates with you, regardless how hard. Life long connections maybe. #blogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m sat here trying my hardest not to let the tears flow. A letter to Oliver is such a heartfelt post and one that just really makes to stop and appreciate what you have. I hope your little ones op goes well and that it’s a success! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.xx


    1. I hope the operation will be fine too. I am sure it will be. For the moment, I am just enjoying ho lucky I am to have him with me. Thank you so much for your lovely comment.


  10. As a NICU nurse I see the best and worse regularly but there is nothing that pulls on my heartstrings like when parents talk about their loss. On a personal level it is so unimaginable. Will pop over for a read tonight X #puddinglove

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you, I haven’t even clicked on the link yet and I am in tears reading your version of the story. I hope your little ones opperation goes well. Maybe I will pop over and tweet it out and not read it. do you think that counts? I am not sure I can handle tears today😦 #KCACOLS.


    1. Do as you want but I really think it’s worth reading. It made me realise how lucky I was even if my baby is not 100% well. Thanks for reading and sharing x


  12. When I read and hear of stories like little Oliver’s, it brings me to tears if I’m honest. My heart goes out to Fran and her family, brave brave people. My youngest daughter was 6 wks premature, she had complications but I’m so happy to say she made it and is flying. Oliver wasn’t so lucky. Such a sad story which you’ve explained beautifully how profound an affect it had on you. #fartglitter

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I’ve been a real fan of Fran’s writing for some time, and I admire her strength and determination in what must have been unimaginably difficult times. She and the work that she has done is an inspiration, and it’s so touching that her writing has moved you to want to share her story too. You have written this post so honestly and from the heart and it is so sad but so moving x
    Thanks for sharing with us at #fartglitter.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Ugh it doesn’t even bare thinking about does it? I’m an emotional wreck at the moment being massively pregnant so I’m worrying even more but to read stories like these are heart breaking.😦 #bestworst

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh gosh how awful and sad, I just read it, I shouldn’t have as I’m not feeling my best today. Blog post have a tremendous way of attaching themselves to us, and getting us emotional whether it’s happy or sad. I’m sure that your little man will be fine following his operation, please don’t try to worry yourself, but I imagine it’s hard not too, remember that you are both in the best possible care. Thanks so much for sharing this post with us at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank for my baby. Hopefully, it will be ok but when I read Fran’s story, I was juts devastated. I cried all day, just seeing his pic in my head. even in the evening, when I donated, I was a puddle of tears… x


  16. What raw and beautifully honest posts from both you and Fran. This is why I love blogs. So much happens in our little world, that just writing it down, brings us parents closer together. Thank you. Sending hugs. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst X

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m the same when reading posts that involve children or babies that are sad. It makes you realise just how unfair the world can be. It definitely affects me a lot more since having children of my own. It was so brave of Fran to write it and to have the strength to carry on.

    Thank you for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I know the feeling good of reading someone’s post and losing it. It happens to me quite often. I’m a little afraid to read the one you shared. I don’t need to lose it on my lunch break. Thanks for sharing!#KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  19. The world is so unfair! I have three children – two boys aged 4 and 8, a girl aged 11. I feel so thankful every day! My eldest has just started secondary school transition and my little one starts school in September. I don’t feel ready for either of these schooling events and then I read heartbreaking stories like this and realise that my worries are trivial in comparison. Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

    Janet X

    Liked by 1 person

  20. The poor family it’s a terrible thing for any parent to go through and certainly does make you appreciate every precious moment. I’m not surprised you were so upset. She’s so brave to write about their experience and it makes every parent relate to situations like this. I hope your little boy is ok during his surgery and stay strong for him, bless him. Also I read a post just after I first started blogging that made my heart break about a mum losing her daughter to cot death x #bestandworst

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Sat here with tears running down my face, life is just unfair isn’t it but what a special letter that was. Best of luck with your baby’s operation xx #tuesdaytreasures

    Liked by 1 person

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